The Redstar Perspective

I’m working off a mac right now, and I don’t know where my icons are for bolding, linking, etc., so bear with me on this rough cut. - UPDATE: LINKS ADDED.  12/16/07.

See the last bunch of posts - and my colleagues in the blogosphere, inc. Brownfemipower, Kai and Cara - re: the literal battle over the future of public housing in NOLA. There’s a stay of execution for the moment, and we should give ourselves a collective moment of thankful pause before resuming the relentless pressure over this issue. But that’s not the point of this post, written during my dept.’s holiday party on this Friday afternoon.

I want to thank the blogosphere for helping me pass my general exams, which I did today, WITH DISTINCTION, a rarely invoked status here in my dept. In addition to my colleagues in the Gulf, who have educated me, often painfully, on framing, power, gender, identity, conflict and struggle, I’m indebted to my virtual peers here. The obvious is NYC Weboy, my unparalleled champion, and Prof. Zero is a close second, for hosting such a supportive environment to share my ideas and the personal struggles that inform my thinking. But it’s the debates of the broader community that I’ve been listening to, and reading, and thinking about, that I feel really helped me here at MIT and this morning in particular, especially when it comes to issues of race, class, ethnicity, gender, power and equity/justice. Shout outs go to Pandagon, where I cut my teeth on the feminist blogosphere, Feministe, who’s writing I respect, Feministing, who seems to have the biggest market for throwing one’s hat in the ring, Shakesville, who’s mainstream progressiveness and f***ing hilarious snark never fails to please, and especially, Sylvia and Brownfemipower, for eloquent, provocative writing that truly leaves me thinking. Kai, Black Amazon (who also just met her own academic hurdles - check out this post!), Rachel’s Tavern, Racismreview, the Field Negro, The Curvature, Racewire, Racialicious, the Silence of our Friends and Outside the Toybox are also in my reader and in my mind. The M.A.S. wants to know why I love the blogosphere, and it’s because it’s my real intellectual community, where I shape and test my ideas.

Of course, my peeps keep me grounded and engaged and sane, and they’ll be getting their shoutouts offline. So thank you fellow bloggers. Today is a f***ing red letter day, filled with wine and good cheer and warm praise and proud, humbled tears and I hope you can all share in it with me!!

PS: If you want to add to this syllabus, pls offer your recommendations in the comments below!!

In eighth grade I discovered that I get a cold sweat when I’m nervous.  I used to noisily slide my sweaty palms down my desk for my Jr High Boyfriend, cuz I’m classy and attractive like that.  With less than four hours to go and another two hours of work in front of me, I am in a full, cold sweat.  Believe me, it feels AWESOME.  Right.

Fortunately, I’m not really stinky. 

I’m even showered and dressed in anticipation of being ALMOST DONE!!

Half way through question four, with 5 hours to go.  EEEEEE!!!

Please be ready for this last stretch with your cups of Gatorade and digital cameras!!  I’m coming!!

Weboy told me he likes my prison metaphor, so I’m sticking with it.

Finished up question 3 around 4pm (Thanks for the answer, Bill!).  And didn’t really get back to work until almost 2 hours ago, around 10pm tonight.  I can’t motivate; I feel like I’m saying the same thing repeatedly.  I have a worldview, I have an approach to problems.  I read and I read and I read, and I have found some amazing books and authors, but no matter how these questions are written, I feel like they keep leading me back to the same place.  I’d like to save us all the trouble of reading the 30+ pages of double-spaced text that will be e-mailed off tomorrow, and just refer my advisors to the three already completed questions.  Though they might secretly be thankful, I’m pretty sure that’s not allowed.

Anyway, so I treated myself a little bit tonight.  Hung out at the Dairy Burger for awhile, got into bed and watched an old Law & Order re-run (I LOVE the seasons from the early 90s…can you say “recessionitis?”  Mike Logan can.), and then I went to the gym.  My workout was mild, at best, but I watched Ugly Betty (or, more like it, looked at Henry from the neck down - there was a lot of muscles and ripped abs going on tonight), and got out of the house for an hour.  Much needed.

Best of all, I hit a couple of soft rock favorites on the dial that sounded positively exceptional as I cruised down Comm Av, behind the wheel for the first time since Sunday.  I was BLARING, BLARING the Bee Gee’s “How Deep is Your Love” and wailing along as I headed over the BU bridge, and fortunately I had to look for parking for a few minutes near school while I bopped and sang my way through Mary’s Boy Child.  Seriously, I have some ok taste in music (namely electronica, house, dance stuff) but the rest of my preferences map onto those of late-middle-aged black women, if the Classic R&B cd that I made for my friend Nikki’s wedding is any indication (I thought it was full of excellent dance hits, and she exclaimed that her mother was going to love it; the Jamnin’ 105.1 boat cruise I went on in NY Harbor in the early 2000s is another fitting memory).   I love it, but sometimes other people tell me my iTunes suck.  What they know.  All I’ve long known is I was born 20 years too late. 

Looking forward to getting my life back tomorrow night.  M.A.S. is planning some sort of Welcome Back party, but he’s being very hush hush about it all, possibly because he was informed only this afternoon that streamers et al. were expected. 

Thanks for all the support this week, but we’re not out of the woods yet!!

We are however, done with the metaphor portion of the program for the moment.

Hee.

And one question left.

All other three have been formatted.  Final draft is ready for this last question to be inserted.  At a minimum, I will have three relatively crisp and tight answers, and one slightly messier one thrown in at the end. 

SO TIRED.  The metaphor of treading water is in my head, though “Shake Your Groove Thang” is on my iPod.  (#467)

And revising my third question now.  30 hours to go.

…by another job well done by the Bush Administration:

…the nation’s teen birth rate rose for the first time in 15 years, surprising government health officials who had no immediate explanation. (A collective WTF?!?!? from the abstinence-only crowd, no doubt!!)

The birth rate had been dropping since its peak in 1991, although the decline had slowed in recent years. On Wednesday, government statisticians said it rose 3 percent from 2005 to 2006.

But several experts said they have been expecting a jump. They blame the increase on increased federal funding for abstinence-only health education programs that do not teach how to use condoms and other contraception.  (Oh, right…)

Some key sexually transmitted disease rates have been rising, including syphilis, gonorrhea and chlamydia. The rising teen pregnancy rate is part of the same phenomenon, said Dr. Carol Hogue, an Emory University professor of maternal and child health.

In response, Pres. Bush reminds the nation to give to the Marines Toys for Tots program, which is coincidentally experiencing a rising need for presents for kids, especially those who parents aren’t coming home anytime soon.

I’m finally working on the question I’ve been blogging about for months.  But I’m sleepy tonight, and took a break for an hour over at the M.A.S.’s.  He told me I don’t seem like myself - that’s what being on the inside does to you.  It changes you, man. 

Now I’m home, back in my gray garb and a cup of hot chocolate and some blueberries in front of me.  A note of caution to all the students, couch potatoes, hermits out there: if you sit around for three days in sweats, your jeans WILL FEEL TIGHT when you put them on.  I’m not sure it’s avoidable.  Best to avoid mirrors until at least 72 hours after the exam concludes.

I did catch up on 9 voicemails (Hi Weboy!) while I walked home.  People love me, and believe in me.  Right back at ya’ all.  The end is in sight. I’m trying to hang in there….

Was 2:00 pm today.  I finished my second question at 2:27pm.  I’m officially behind schedule.  Fortunately, no minutes are lost while blogging now, sort of like how junk food consumed on special occasions has no value.  (No, this is not the sort of logic I’m applying in my exam answers.)

Over here at General Exam Lockdown Central, I’m head to toe in gray waffle drabulousness.  Fortunately, they serve Peet’s coffee here.  And offer a range of iPod music selections.  (What do you think, will I shuffle through all 900 songs by Friday night? I’m on #197 now…make that #198.)  Writing this post is like visiting hours.  They’re about to end, as I finish Q2, and move on to the next. 

Have I mentioned how MIZ I am right now?????

FREE REDSTAR!!

 

12:28 a.m. I’ve just eaten, in the following order, green beans, 2/3 of a bag of veggie booty, a cup of lemon-ginger tea, 2 two-bite brownies, and some skim milk straight from the jug. 

My stomach’s going to feel AWESOME later.  About as good as my back feels sitting up in my kitchen chair right now (I’m about to move to the couch), and as good as my head feels having to TAKE THIS F********************ING EXAM (That was me screaming).

I told the M.A.S. to be prepared for some serious whining over the next 3 days.  Doesn’t look like you all will be spared either.

12:03 pm.  Back in front of the PC after a short, brisk walk around the ‘hood.  Went to bed around 3 am last night after some quick blog reads, a few downward dogs, and an old L&O from 1994.  Woke up to excerpts from the Bush press conf. that he’s even more of a bullish, uninformed a**hole than we thought (how does he manage to just keep on surprising like that?), which is a decidedly less pleasant way to start the day than being jolted out of bed by a car alarm or the doorbell.

Anyway, on to question 2 (I have to answer 4 this week).  I’m sure I’ll be back with more mindless chatter, such as the fact that I’m loving all over again this old French Connection sweater I bought in 2000.  I think that place is a rip off, but when I was super skinny post-back surgery, a lot of their stuff worked for me, and I was momentarily rich from my MBA internship at Pricewaterhouse Coopers (WORST job ever).  Anyway, I recently washed it for the first time ever (vs. dry cleaning, before you get any ideas) after deciding it was too old and worn out to take proper care of anymore.  Well, wouldn’t you know, it lost it’s bungy-esque clingy feel, as expected, but now it’s softer and looser and just perfectly lovely in a way I didn’t expect.  How nice - a new old pink sweater.

And with that, I leave you with Weboy’s list of his favorite Xmas music (just in time for the start of Hanukkah!!).  He never fails to deliver in his own unique way, enthusiastically endorsing Mariah and Whitney before tossing out the obscure Pearl Bailey gem.  Take a visit and let him know your faves and most hated.

But don’t forget about me over here!  The RP is my link to the outside world right now.  Check in on me, will ya?

15 hours on Question 1.

And that was one of the easy ones, I thought.

16 pages, incl. bibliography and footnotes (10 pages of text). If I’m incl. the references, etc., then this jibes with my paper writing estimate of 1 hour per page. But I thought I didn’t count the notes et al. in past calculations.

Whatever, I’m FRIED and off to bed.

What do you think, should I not shower until this is over????

;)

Because I don’t think I’m going to work this into my generals anywhere, I’d like to state for the record here that legwarmers are the most fantastic invention ever. 

Carry on.

 

I think it’s premature to start singing, “…I wanna be sedated.”

Exam questions are arriving via e-mail at 10am.  I wish I had a camera so you could all see the organizational beauty that is my “new” office in my foyer, with papers taped to walls, and bibliographies typed up and papers and books arranged just so. 

Not sure if I’ll be posting at all this week - yes, I’ll be sitting in front of my PC more than I even thought possible, but I’ll also be overly captive to one particular assignment.  Perhaps you’ll be lucky enough for some late night ramblings.  At a minimum, I’m hoping to pass on a collection of recent coverage of the Gulf Coast.  We’ll see…

A special shout-out goes not only to the M.A.S., who provided amazing care and solidarity this weekend in keeping me company, but my friends Nikki and Jeff in DC, with the well-timed shout outs of support this morning.  Jeff is a doctoral student in org psych, and went through this whole exam nightmare this summer.  Nikki is a law student and his wife, and so, so did she. 

I leave you once again with my current state of mind:

 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That’s what I’ll be doing this weekend for my exam, typing up some notes, organizing my books and articles, taping key stuff to the walls surrounding my desk (which has been moved to my “foyer” area where my books are).  I’m NERVOUS and the MIKE IS OPEN HERE AT THE RP FOR WELL-WISHES FROM THE AUDIENCE.   

(Prayers for NO SNOW on Monday are also welcome; our amazing and diligent Dept. Admin. Chief has already emailed me concerned that snow on Monday morning will prevent her from getting my exam questions to me at the specified hour of 10 a.m.  When will this end????)

As for today, it was all exercise and retail therapy and now a dinner date with my man.  I’m wearing a cute little jumper of a dress from Michael Kors more appropriate for my 22 yr old NYC cousin, but it was $25 at Macy’s after 3 different discounts, and I’ve got the legs for it, if I do say so myself!!   

Legs that, to Amy’s delight I’m sure, are covered in LEGWARMERS!!!  I have been jonesing for these since they came out last year - who even knows if they’re still in style (Weboy?), but I DON’T CARE!  (Plus it’s Boston, which means they’ll be in style late or never or for too long, and regardless, just bucking the prep trend of which I am typically a part is avant garde enough for me!)

A pair of new gloves, also deeply discounted and with some cashmere inside, and a little make-up and Chaka Khan on the iPod and I am ready to head out.  Hoping to leave the anxiety at home with the misplaced idea that I should be reading The Truly Disadvantaged (again) instead of having some much needed, last minute fun.

Have a Wonderful Weekend!!!

 

AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

…endsightmilestogobeforeisleep*

In other words, in 87.5 hours I will begin my doctoral general exams, the first of the two major hurdles in my PhD program (the other forthcoming: my dissertation).  I’ve been staying up later and later, dragging myself out of bed, not leaving my house, missing my workouts, binging on food, reading a shitload, watching not so much but occasional long stretches of tv, and feeling generally anxious and like I might need the Jaws of Life to pry my shoulder blades apart.

Hence the sporadic blogging this week, both in quantity and quality.  At least, I scheduled my exams towards the end of the semester when the rest of the academic universe is aslo entering the miserable crunch period.  My more pleasurable breaks have been talking the M.A.S. off the ledge about his assignments and irritations, and chuckling over Professor Zero’s lamenting re: grading and her students’ and their families’ less than stellar - and rather hypocritical - commitment to their studies - a devastating mini-series in her usual excellent cataloging of all that is insane and intolerable about the Ivory Tower. 

For some reason, her blog invites just long, confessional commenting from me - I am not sure what it is about her virtual encouragement towards my streams of consciousness ramblings, but when I click through my Google reader to her site every few weeks of so, I end up chatting away as if we’re long lost friends.  She, like so many, maintains an anonymous blog, which in hindsight I wish I’d done, but I’ve never been very good at concealment, for better and definitely worse. So, if you are interested in the mental unraveling going on over here at The RP HQ’s, here’s some excerpts from my comments at her site re: not going completely bananas:

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